First38

Sometimes I would wonder was I placed on this earth to just be miserable. Was I ever gonna get away from here and be happy. Just thoughts. After that night I was permanently destroyed. I bless a little then stopped. I never told anyone. If I did he say I would die. I leave for school and made up in my mind that I wasn’t gonna ever speak again. By 3rd period I ran off campus to the baseball Field. I sat under the benches determined not to be found. I watched the police ride by. I was just thinking to myself trying to understand why I wasn’t wanted. To be so young and feel this way is horrible. I knew I would be scarred for life. Nightfall hits I start walking on the tracks I’m determined not to go back home. It was so cold out. I just sat at the park looking at the cars pass by. I knew it was late because I seen headlights pull up. By that time the police found me. I begged then to not take me home. I was taken to the hospital then my mom picked me up. On the ride home I had no words because I knew what was to come when we made it…….

First38

Bed yep my safe haven. I would bunch up all the way in the corner by the wall and just sit all night. Cry and just look at the pitch blackness. I was to scared to sleep. I would be thinking about ways to run away or kill everyone. Even myself. Days past and it was the same routine for me. I went to school today. I couldn’t wait to see Mrs Walton and Ms Williams. They made me feel safe. after classes I had to walk home because I missed my bus. As I walked home my friend James walked with me. I got home and went in the house. “ why you walking with that boy. You will be only good enough to lay on your back. Nobody gonna want you or marry you. You are sorry a sorry a*s girl. Get in the house” I got in the house and started my homework” my stomach started to hurt really bad. I didn’t want to eat. My mom was talking outside with the neighbor before she left to get her hair done. We ate pork and beans with hotdogs. I didn’t eat because my stomach was hurting. “Donnie come here my dad called. Dominique come here. I walked back get in your room now! I walked in Donnie was standing by the closet. Donnie go touch her chest. I jumped back from him. He did laughing. Now touch her private. I hit his hand. He hit me in the face. And grabbed my private area. Go outside. He left. Go behind the door and lay down. I did that. He proceeds to lay on me with his hands covering my mouth. “ I’m gonna be your first so you need to be quiet now.” I cried knowing no one was gonna help me. That’s when I felt something hot………

First38

I get on my knees. In my mind I was wishing someone would come inside. “Now what I said about talking to boys?” Don’t talk to them. Hold your arms out. I stretched my arms. Now hold these two cups of water. On the cups was black lines. If you spill anything out these cups you are gonna get beaten. He walked away. I was Ison my knees for a while crying they hurt so bad. My arms was shaking. Harvey III came in. Hey! I couldn’t speak. It hurt right. I just held my head down. Lidia came in looking hey. I still didn’t speak. They left. Donnie came in. Haha and hit My hand. I tried not to drop the cup but some water came out. I started crying because I’m in trouble now. He ran out of the room. A while later dad came back taking the cups. “ oh you lost a lot of water huh. I just held my hand down. I got my beating. Then had to sit in the closet. I don’t know how long I was in there but when I came out to go to the bathroom everyone was eating. It was bible study night so everyone was gone but me and my dad. “Dominique come here”! I came out the closet. You want to eat? I shook my head. Come do this first. Come here get on your knees in front of me. I went in the living room and kneeled down. Hold this. I did as I was told for a while. Then I was allowed to eat. It wasn’t much but it was enough. I heard the car doors slamming shut. Everyone come running in. I finished the dishes and went to bed…..

First38

She stood there at the door with her switch already in hand. Where were you? Walking at the tracks. You back there with that Noah boy. That’s all you good for is laying on your back already get in here. I already knew what was gonna happen. Pull them down now!!! But b all I heard was a whoosh. Several more to follow. Now go in your room and go to bed. I ran swiftly on my room. Crying I kept asking myself why did I come back. Donnie came in and said you gotta go to bed with no food. Oh did it hurt . He walked away laughing. I couldn’t do nothing but cry. As I looked out the window I saw Noah outside doing flips. He was the best at them. I sat talking to myself as usual trying to forget where I was. I sat drawing pictures of a happy home. You know with the big tree and the bright sun. I always kept a picture book. But this day Donnie came in and snatched it. Laughing he tore all my pictures up. I picked them up hoping I could put them back together he snatched some and ran off. I could do nothing but sit there wishing I was dead. I hate my life at this time. The next day I was on punishment so I couldn’t go outside. Noah came to the window showing me pretty rocks. We laughed and talked through the window. Lidia saw this and told my dad. He sent them outside and came in mad. “ I’m gonna be your first everything! Why are you talking to that boy!” I backed up behind the door. He pulled the shade down. “Nobody don’t want a used up girl. I’m gonna be your first in everything. You belong to me. Get on your knees…….”